Lately, as you already know, I have been acting, pretty much, like an asshole. After doing some thinking, I know what it is.....I want what I can't have. So, I try too hard, in this case, to make you like me. Knowing that I can't make people like me.
See, when you and I met, we both knew we would have a great time. And, I did. I know you did too. So, I guess you can say, I assumed that you were feeling the same way about me, that I was about you. That you would want to spend more time with me. That is not the case. I am trying too hard to make you like me. I am acting like an idiot towards someone I care alot for. It is something I have to deal with.
It is not often that I can open up, tell someone, you in this case, exactly how I feel about them. Usually, the person being told gets uncomfortable, and the relationship dwindles. Maybe by telling you how I feel, has caused you to shy away from me some. Maybe I am wrong. I really don't know.
This leads into the other day when I got upset cause you were hiding. Now, I want to stress that I know you are entitled to your privacy. For some reason, that morning, I checked. The reason I looked was because I thought that I had said too much the past weekend.....expressing my feelings. By telling you, I went from someone you looked forward to talking to, to someone who makes you cringe...throw up a caution flag. Maybe not.
I want what I can't have. Plain and simple. In return, I am being a pain in the ass by trying too hard. These are things I have to deal with. I have to go with my gut, and not listen to my head. Physically, I look pretty damn good. Mentally, I am a basket case. I do miss you, Erica. I miss having fun. I really hope to talk to you soon.